Mad inconsistencies.

This is a routine of mad inconsistencies.

My alarm clock would wake me up, and i would open my eyes to either cold mornings or lazy afternoons, depending on my class. I would ask my alarm clock for 5 more minutes, then close my eyes and wake up again 15-30 minutes later. I would get out of the sheets, get my towel, enter the bathroom, open the hot and cold water knobs and wait until the two would blend in a comfortable feeling of warmness. I would get out of the shower, wipe the fog off the mirror and look at myself for some 3 minutes. I would try to pull out a smile. Sometimes i'd get contented, most of the time it would just leave me a feeling of indifference. I would get in my preferred pair of undies and school uniform, comb my hair neatly, eat breakfast, fix my things, drink my medicine and would say hello to the world the moment i step out of this red-bricked building that is my temporary home.

Every single day i would.

The busy streets and hurrying office people would then wake me up to the reality that i am again outside my comfort zone and would hold on to my faith and my bag for protection. I would jump in a jeepney, pay my ride fee, and notice other passengers noticing me. I would turn on my iPod, guess every song that would play and would even try to sing along in my mind. I would get off the jeepney, ride the train that would take me as near as it would get to my school and would ride another vehicle that would get me nearer to my destination. A cancer stick would keep my hopes high for a good day so i would get one before getting in class. I would get there late, as usual.

Every single day i would.

My mood would depend on how my day goes and each day would be none like any other. I would crack up jokes and tease my classmates with the help of some friends and they would tease me back to some guys whom i am not even interested with but is worth the smile. The thought of them liking me makes me like myself more no matter how narcissistic it would sound. I would look at my phone every now and then and would miss the times when it consumed most of my breathing moments. I would try and pretend i like going to school but would end up hating it even more by the time i realize i am running out of inspirations for doing all the crap i have to do to please my professors for them to pass me. The stress and pressure would make me feel less happy but friends would always cheer me up, unconsciously.

Every single day they would.

The aftermath of school at the end of the day would leave me nothing but excitement to be back again in my comfort zone, my temporary home, my resting place. I would take another bite of my medicine, wait for it to take effect on me which is something i seldom feel now, and would hurriedly ride the same vehicles, the same route, back home. I would not mind the people who would look at me and examine my reaction when i feel panic because i have gotten used to it and it's something that would never bother me anymore. Upon arriving home, i would take off my shoes, unbutton my uniform and would lie down in bed and thank God i survived another never-ending cycle of ups and downs, of happy and mad people, of sick and perky moods, of realizations and wishful thinkings, and of nostalgic and displeasing sunrises and sunsets that is what's left of you and me.

Every single day i would.

The minutes would pass, and the ticking of the clock would not make it any easier for me to fall asleep. Even if i would close all the lights and drown myself in darkness, i would only find myself wide awake, thinking things i don't even know i am still aware of. Hours would pass and the moon-lit city peering in the bedroom window would soon transform into a lullabying mother, ready to shoulder my mad inconsistencies. It would try to make me fall asleep with every sound it would make and every time it would i'd end up feeling more anxious to meet my dreams. But it would always fail. The earth's lullaby would always strangle me with pain and doubt and lifeless feelings. And when it would seem like all hope has fade away, the memory of you would strike me deep into where they call the heart and it would always be the kind of sleeping pill that would put me into slumber. Minutes before it would take me away i would thank God again, not for the long-awaited sleep, but for the happy, photographic memories of the past that stayed..

I would lullaby my tears to sleep right after i whisper Amen.

Every single day i would.