Bagyong Ondoy

So there was flood everywhere, i mean, EVERYWHERE. Baha sa buong Metro Manila, Pampanga, some parts of Batangas, Cavite and Laguna (and some other provinces). Even here in Makati, hindi rin makaalis sa mga opisina at skwelahan ang mga na-stranded na studyante at mga office people. We even had to fetch my cousin who's working in the World Trade Center Building in front of Mapua Makati kase abot tuhod na ang baha sa main roads. Pinasok na nga daw ng baha pati mga kotse ng ka-officemates nya sa parking lot e. My other cousin (the one who drove the car) told me to bring his camera and shoot what's happening on the streets. So i did, pero medyo malabo yung iba. Here they are:

"May advantages din pala ang katamaran." That was my cousin's reaction when she knew i didnt go to school. Im a lucky piece of shit. Cos if i did go to school, i would've been stranded there too along with all the other students who, until now, aren't home.

Make love.

Interpol - Rest My Chemistry

Im a misguided ghost.

I'm going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistake

And run
From them
With no direction
We'l run from them, from them
With no conviction

Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Travelling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles
Well now I'm told that this life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it

Someone care to classify,
A broken heart and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run
To them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not
Useless
We are just
Misguided ghosts
Travelling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And theres no one role
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles

Random.

Three weeks ago i was indifferently waiting for a classmate on the 7th floor hallway of our building with a friend when three of our old classmates noticed us. We were so excited to spend time with each other again after so many months of not being in the same class. One topic led to another and the next thing i knew, we were already talking about love lives. I was already hesitant to stay and chat with them knowing they would certainly ask questions about me and answering them was the unbearable part. But i stayed anyway.

"Oh, Mars, gumaganda ka ngayon ah. Blooming?," my 17-year old friend jokingly said. "Ganun talaga pag single. Hehe..," i replied. "Ha? Single? Bakit? Ano nangyare sa inyo nung boyfriend mo? Sino na nga ba ulit yun, si ***?," she immediately said. Rina, my friend, and i looked at each other and i knew then that she knew i didn't want to answer the question. "Ah, yun? Wala na yun. Haha!" The way i said it made me laugh. It's not me to be talking like that especially when people ask me about that guy. I usually answer their questions with a sad ring to every word. "Hala! Talaga?! E di'ba sobrang in-love kayo nun? Grabe.. Sayang! Ano ba nangyare?" And words just came out. "Nawala na kase yung love e," i said. And that friend of mine wasn't still contented with my answer and had to ask me another follow-up question which made me a bit irritated. But then again, they were friends and they knew about us and i thought maybe the situation was a really hard thing to swallow for everyone, including them. I understood. "Ano ba kase nangyare? Eto, hindi nagkukuwento." What to say, what to say. I was at a loss for words.

"Ayoko na kase pag-usapan e. Haha," was all i said.

I knew they understood what i meant about the last thing i said.

Get the fuck out.

If i can only cut you out of my life like an unnecessary strand from a beautiful dress, life would be so much better. Get the fuck out of my life. Get the fuck out.

NO.

That explains it.

Runaway.

Everybody was intoxicated, not me.

I had to go. Tita was home and i'd be dead if i came home super late so when Keps announced he was gonna be off in a while, i decided to come along. "Nakakabadtrip e. Ba't sila may beso-beso, ako wala?" Arturo, my other friend, jokingly told me on the way to the bus stop. "E ganun talaga e." I, laughing, replied. But i gave him a kiss on the cheek anyway. It was the least i can do for all the efforts he's exerted since he knew about my conditon.

Keps and i talked in the bus. I was already nervous then, knowing i had to get off of the bus in Buendia and ride another jeep that would take me home, alone. I distracted myself. As always, i tried. I eventually said goodbye to him and got off. Rode a jeep and off it went. I turned my iPod shuffle on and found myself listening to Urbandub's Runaway. Funny how things fall into the right place when you least expect it. It felt like it was written for me, for that moment, for that very feeling i felt when i got off the jeep. I clicked paused, unconsciously went inside McDonald's and bought a sundae. No, im not a big fan of chocolate fudged sundaes but it just seemed like it was the perfect time to try something i haven't done for a long while..liking something i don't.

I bought 2 cigs but never bothered lighting it. I just bought them for the very purpose of knowing i had cancer sticks in my pocket. I felt contented. I wanted to stay there, outside Mcdo, and wait until i experience the panic. I wanted to feel alone again and actually love it. I wanted to be proud of myself that for once, after a long while, im comfortable with being lonely. I wanted to be somebody else and not mind other people's feelings. I wanted to runaway from everything and just stay there until i forget who i am. I wanted to be responsible for my actions, to be independent, to be safe without anybody else's help. But i knew that if i did, id be liking things i dont. And it struck me..

Im tired of wanting things im not supposed to want.

Prodigal daughter?

"at kung sinasabe mong wala akong respeto sayo, ikaw lang nagiisip nun kase ganyan ka naman talaga saken e. ang kitid ng pagiisip mo pagdating saken. lahat nlg ng gagawin ko mali mali mali."

"pero sana bigyan mo ako ng chance na ayusin ko buhay ko sa paraang alam ko."

"kung talaga concerned ka, ikaw na mismo gagawa ng paraan para mapabuti kalagayan ko. e ung mga ibligasyon mo saken lagi mong tinuturo sa iba. kaya sana ma wag mo akong sisihin kung hindi ako umaasa sayo kasi kahit dati pa ganyan ka na talaga saken. mas gusto mo pang ibang tao ang umintindi saken kesa ikaw. ikaw nga dapat ang laging nandyan e, laging tumutulong, laging umiintindi"

"okay. ako nalang ang iintindi sayo ma., naiintindihan ko na wala kang oras saken. naiiintindihan ko na wala kang planong intindihin ang mga pangangailangan ko. naiintindihan ko na lagi akong mali at ako ang pinakamasamang anak para sayo."

Naked.

Lately i've been fond of taking nude photos of me. Weng (a friend) has been helping me on the editing part, which is great cos i haven't really mastered it and the CS3 my friend gave me isn't much of a help either since he didn't get to teach me all his mad skills cos of our communication problems. But hell, all those never hindered me in doing what i love.

Being naked, or should i say seeing myself naked, makes me feel pretty, inside and out. It's one of those random, little things that keep me sane and on my feet. Especially now that im going through a lot.. Whenever i see myself barenaked with all the impurities i have, it makes me appreciate myself more. It convinces me that life shouldn't be all about the perfect and pretty whatnots. Adam and Eve made a mistake that until now people can't get over with, religions have been arguing about and nature has been trying understand. But only few can fathom the fact that what happened is inevitable. It's like leaving your 5-year old son in an amusement park and telling him not to recieve anything from strangers.

Children make mistakes, they can't and will never help it.

People may judge us of our flaws, point our mistakes and stress our imperfections but in the end the only thing that will matter is God and what he sees in us. We are all children of God and whatever we do, we will always be perfect in His sight. He will always be forgiving and ready to accept us of our shortcomings and that is one of the glorious things most of us forget to appreciate.

We are all naked. But God is patiently waiting for all of us to accept his invitation to be clothed with His love, understanding and salvation.

*Im just so inspired today. Thank you, God.*

Goodbye JB.

The world will miss you.

Rest in peace.

details

The Scientist.

Last week was slow as a snail.

Oh, the cons of a self-timed camera.

Photo Editing by:

Weng Monsale / Kick Tomato

(black and white unedited)

Oh, man.

"Now tonight, I sleep alone. It’s probably healthy because when I’m tangled up with you I can hardly sleep at all. I spend the whole night on fire, quietly smoldering most of the time. Except when you pull me closer and rub your soft scruffle up and down my neck and chest. Or when you grab me by the hip bone and sink your thumbs into my flesh, sending electric chills up and down my body.Or when you pull me into you, sliding your fingers down my spine until they press the small of my back (chills, again). Or when your lips find the back of my neck and you mumble about how good I smell. Those are the times that the smoldering gives way to a blazing flare and all I can do is hope for a nap the next day.

But not tonight. You’re there and I’m here. I could never tell you this, but every night your body isn’t pressed against mine, I have to pack pillows around myself just to fall asleep. But we are just friends, and I’m sure you sleep fine without me."

Smoking is Fun! :D

Cnu n?

I want a million 120mm films in my doorstep tomorrow just in case you'd want to come back in my life. I miss you. Fuck, i really really do. And it upsets me so much knowing you're having a hard time trying to get back and.. You're not really coming back, are you?

:(

BFM.

you were in my dream last night. whispered something and all i can remember was me whispering back "oo, di ko gid pagkalimtan". when i woke up i cant remember a thing you said..

went back to my life after that.