Only God knows.

Because today's the first day of my "heart complication" life, i've decided to stay at home and rest.

I went to the doctor (alone) yesterday. Dr. Bartolome is the same doctor i went for a check up when i was sick a month ago. He's an internist and he's ilonggo. He checked my record and said "Ano na naman ang sakit mo 'day?" and when i told him i experience palpitations, he replied "Ay abaw, lain naman? Ano ginabatyag mo subong?" We discussed about the different symptoms i had and he was nodding and all to my explanations. He asked me about stress and if i feel tired all the time, i said yes to the latter. He was explaining things to me, which didn't really made sense until he told me about the heart complication. "Bal-an mo 'day pag gabiring ang isa ka lobe sg ulo mo, sa heart mo na and problema. Dali ka kapuyon? Example, magsaka ka sa stairs, dali ka kapuyon?" I didn't quite understand the things he told me but there's one thing i realized, my head always numbs when i feel really tired. So when i agreed to his explanations, he told me to lay down the bed near the door of his clinic. He checked my heart with his stethoscope. "Hmmm, sa heart gid. Ah, sa heart gid.." was all he said. He gave me anti-stress supplements and for the palpitations which i found out later on was also given to patients who tremble a lot coupled with anxiety. And then i asked him about panic attacks.

Both Dr. Bartolome and my ate (who's an RN) agreed to the panic disorder, so the doc referred me to a Dr. Cruz, a psych. But my appointment's tomorrow. All i can do now is get myself ready for whatever the doctor's findings may be.

Apparently, the worst is yet to come. So yesterday, after hearing the sad news, i decided to go out and have some fun with friends. I must have fun now that i still can 'cause technically, only God knows..