Reverie.

So, it's the first time in 2weeks that i viewed your blog and really, i had nothing to do when i did that (i still am a few pages to the end with the current book im reading). Im a little bit hurt (yes, just a little bit, so your guilt trips wouldn't be so bugged) about how busy you are and all that really long list you have of the things you wana do in the future and it just left me confused and numb at the same time knowing i wont be in it (not ever) and so, i wont be expecting anyway. Just a little bit hurt, that's all. Our last conversation was, well, not that friendly at all. For the record, i was really drunk when i texted you and really, i didnt know what i was doing that night. I just felt like i needed to keep up with your life in case i was unconsciously left behind with my own. Things have been amazingly different and fast-paced lately and im trying not to be too worked up with the agendas that's keeping me busy but, you know, there's still things that keep me on the ground. Like you. When i think about you, it's like the whole world, the whole human race is pretending with me. Pretending that you do not exist for a minute or two or if you are, you're somewhere else anwyay, some place where nobody knows you or if they do they are too busy to even bother you and vice versa and you're alone. So alone that you probably think the same way and the whole world, the whole human race would probably be doing the same thing you want them to do when you think about me and i think about you. But that's bull.

I dont know if i miss you or i love or i need you. Cos even if i figure that one out id be in deep shit anyway. So i think it's better that i think of you this way so things can get back to the way they were when you weren't part of the big picture.

There's one thing i know for sure though. Im still running away from that last night we were together. Still finding a 24/7 coffee shop that can satisfy my need for silence and reverie. Still finding the best tasting coffee, one that can make me forget the things we shared. Still finding that one person who wouldn't leave my life just when i need him the most..