Never.

You will never know how it feels until you come to that point where you realize everything's so stagnant it can make you give up just about everything that makes you sane. Where you start to be honest with yourself about all of the insecurities you've been keeping for so long. Where you actually keep everything to yourself alone. That even if it hurts, that even if you want to tell the whole world how much it pains you, you won't. You will never. That even if everyone tells you how blue the sky is, you will never see it as it is. That painful pretty ever-after blanket that's put up high above just so everyone of us would see how far and unreachable happiness is, you will always see it as what it is to you and not what crap others tell you about it. And all the good movies out there made to make people laugh and cry all at the same time will never have the same effect on you. That even if you try so hard to squeeze out every first drop of tear in your eyes, you won't cry. You will never. 'Cause you'll know better than letting people see how helpless and unloved you are. You will know better than to make people pat you on your shoulders or.. Or hug you tight or comfort you and say everything's going to be alright because, no, things will never be alright and you will always wake up every single morning knowing you're the most unwanted person and your whole existence will never please anyone that you love. And everytime you look in the mirror you'll never smile your sweetest ever again just cos of the fact that the best guy you've ever known in your entire life dumped you and made you feel like you're the stupidest most pathetic girl he's ever known. And you just stop. You voluntarily, depressingly stop living for the moment and just replay every goddamn word he said. I love you. Goodbye. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. And a million more regets that he didn't even had the luxury of time to tell you cos he thinks you're a penny a dozen and he can have another one like you. Not, not like you. Somebody else who's way better than you, who wears makeup, who can actually bitch her way to guys, who can wear skirts and get touched on without even noticing it, who can flirt him torrid kiss him PDA him anytime anywhere and she's not even gonna bother, and someone who can scream louder in bed. Definitely, who can get naked in 10 seconds and scream louder in bed. That's what he wants and you're nothing like that. Nothing. That's why he preferred hurting you and getting it on with somebody while making a fool out of you in front of everybody else. That's what he wants and you won't understand why he even spent time trying to embarass you when he can just tell you the truth in your face, in your goddman face, that he doesn't like you and he will never do the same mistake with you ever again. Ever. And you will never fathom his intentions. You will never have closure. You will never be able to let him go.

That's it. You will never.